I, who's really bad at writing
write down what I want wants to be written down.

If there's something hard to understand
or if there are any misunderstandings,
I beg your pardon.

In the first place, I'm feel a little relieved now, after annoucing officially that I joined Moran.

What I announced on the 20th of August
has been decided almost one month before this
by the four of us, including Zill.

We started to compose songs in May,
so I had contact to Zill almost every day.

He came over to my place, sometimes I went over to his,
hearing him say "She's so cute! Too cute!"
about his beloved Bekki.

Since both of us had a webcam,
we were talking for hours late at night, sending data for new songs to each other, talking about new songs, about the equitment or laughing about stupid things we said
and even if I said: "I'm going to bed now!", he stopped again and again.
It's been almost every day like this.

We were producing contless demo-songs at an awesome speed!
And even it might have been just a short time,
it was a very satifying and productive time.

On the day he died,
it was the first time, that the four of us talked on the web,
since Hitomi and Soan finally bought a webcam as well,
so we all were very excited.

Ever since Zill and I started to talk via webcam,
he kept saying things like: "Let's all buy webcams! Let's talk all together!"

On the day Zill died,
Hitomi, Soan and I went to the hospital.
I still can't accept what was going on,
when I saw Zill, who became so cold.

After that the all-night vigil over him and the funreal ceremony
passed by quickly.
To be honest, I'm not sure about my memories of the vigil or the funreal...

At the very end, Zill left a message directed to the members.

A message for Hitomi
A message for Soan
A message for Velo

and a message for me.

Each of his words was warm and said something like
"I'll leave Moran to you!"
I've been sad, but very happy at the same time.

On the 9th of August, I was ought to go to Nagoya.
Actually the plan was, that Zill should play for Jasmine You.
I'm a little bit proud, that I could play for Zill.

What follows now might be very private, but to be honest
as we had not published the news about me being a member of Moran
the funreal was really hard -
not only for me but all people concerned.
I was not allowed to express my feelings freely and
the people who knew about the relation between me and Zill were very few.

But now, after announcing it without any problems,
there's one thing I'd like to tell Zill.

"Zill, it might take a little bit of time,
but I'll make sure to keep my promise."

To all people concerned
All Holics
Everybody who supported me until now

Thank you very much.

I hope for your continuing support.

2010.08.20 Sizna